I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
