just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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