ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
