I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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