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So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
