hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
