I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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