she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
