Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I need moral support for this bender
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
