the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
