Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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