Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
