I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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