You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
