respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
