I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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