Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
