just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I FOUND THE LEGS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
