I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
