Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize