If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
