He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
