If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
