you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
