You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this just has baby written all over it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
