i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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