oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
