I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize