Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
