farters have to be the big spoon...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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