just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You can't just leave with hair like that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
