im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
