the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize