Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
