Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
