p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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