Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dick very happy bro
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
