Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you would pick up someone in the library
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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