so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize