I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
