there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
