I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
