Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
