I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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