Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize