I intend to get homeless drunk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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