I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
