Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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