shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
