Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize