Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
