maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
