Please, let me fuck your mom
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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