the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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