Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
