Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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