Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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