What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
