i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
