The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize