you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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