I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
