Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
