dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize