Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
