Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
