garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
