I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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