Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
