I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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