Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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